Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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