This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
