who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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