I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
