kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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