how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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