Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
