Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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