So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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