so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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