ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
