im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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