Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
