I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
