im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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