using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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