Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
