no, he came in my armpit
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
