She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
