I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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