Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
