Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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