I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im holly from the hills drunk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
