oh god the rape fog is back!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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