Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
