she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this will be a night to untag.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
