mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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