and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
