sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
