So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
