God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
