So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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