whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
is wine microwaveable?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
