I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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