I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
