am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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