If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
