even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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