Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
