There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cut my penus on the lid.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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