So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
