I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
