and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
