Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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