I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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