I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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