He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
