We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
