Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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