"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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