ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
